This is me. I am so distracted by media... and sleep. Sleep has become a very distracting area of my life as well, but that's another story. I recently heard a Preacher on the radio say something to the effect of this. Like personal trainer uses exercise to help build muscle, strength, and endurance in a client, so does God. God has chosen to use specific things to grow and strengthen us. If we abandon prayer, scripture, and fellowship; how can we grow strong? God has chosen to use these simple things to bring us nigh to Him.

Change me Father, into a woman who follows you with out distraction. Give me strength and motivation to seek after you.

If you touch my life
What will it be like
If you live in mine
What will it be like
If you enter my life
Will it be you and I
Always you and I

If you hold my hand
Will it comfort me
If you hold me close
Will you understand me
If I let you close
Will you never leave
Always be with me

How do I decide
If you and I are right
Will I be safe
To let you inside
To let you enjoy the beauty
And learn to live with the ugly...in me

If I touch your life
Will I understand you
If I live in your life
Will I hurt you
If I enter your life
Will I love you
Always love you

John 15:1-17
1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command. 15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17This is my command: Love each other.

Last time I posted I talked about the role of the players in the story: The Father, Jesus Christ, and ourselves. In the first sentence of the next paragraph we have a wonderful promise. This promise is that we will bear much fruit. I like being useful. If I feel useless and unneeded, I feel unloved and unloving. Doing things for and with people is how I show affection. Here I have a calling to bear fruit, to be useful. I am called to remain in Christ and to have His word remain in me. So that I can glorify my Father. How much more useful could I be. My purpose in life is to Glorify GOD!

John 15:1-17
1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command. 15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17This is my command: Love each other.

Here we have a wonderful passage broken into three paragraphs. The first paragraph discusses our dependency on Christ. He is the only thing that can save us from being cut off and being unable to bear fruit. Without Him we cannot bear fruit. That said there is also a downside to remaining in the vine. We must be pruned. We must have removed anything that is undesired and superfluous. That is the Father's job as the Gardener. This passage defines the role of Christ and the Father. It also defines our role. We are to remain in Christ.

This is my Great Grandmother Beulah... and she is Awesome! ;-)

---

Sweetly, Lord, have we heard Thee calling,
Come, follow Me!
And we see where Thy footprints falling
Lead us to Thee.

Refrain
Footprints of Jesus,
That make the pathway glow;
We will follow the steps of Jesus
Where'er they go.

Though they lead o'er the cold, dark mountains,
Seeking His sheep;
Or along by Siloam's fountains,
Helping the weak.

Refrain
Footprints of Jesus,
That make the pathway glow;
We will follow the steps of Jesus
Where'er they go.

If they lead through the temple holy,
Preaching the Word;
Or in homes of the poor and lowly,
Serving the Lord.

Refrain
Footprints of Jesus,
That make the pathway glow;
We will follow the steps of Jesus
Where'er they go.

Though, dear Lord, in Thy pathway keeping,
We follow Thee;
Through the gloom of that place of weeping,
Gethsemane!

Refrain
Footprints of Jesus,
That make the pathway glow;
We will follow the steps of Jesus
Where'er they go.

Every year or so I find a verse that really captures me. It speaks to me were I am at in my life. Past verses have been Galatians 5:6, Matthew 20:28, Deuteronomy 30:6, and Corinthians 13. The latest verse God has used in my life is:

John 15:5

⁵"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

"Apart from me you can do nothing." I am leaning that I must be in Christ every waking moment. Yet I find this hard. I long to bear good fruit, great fruit in Christ. Yet my heart is continually wondering. This verse lends me comfort as I strive to remain in Him. I will bear much fruit if I have faith and remain in Christ. Hallelujah!

To often my focus is on the fruit and not on Christ Himself. I focus on being good, sweet, and nice. When I pursue those things my sin nature appears and I fail. I act in a mean, nasty, and vicious way towards others.

Father, may You live in me from day to day, moment by moment. May You be at that center, may You be the reason of all I say and do. I have complete and unwavering faith in You. And may You produce much fruit in me because of my reliance on You. Amen.

Do you ever feel abandoned by God? Do you wonder if He is there? It might have been brought on by a devastating blow. How could God allow this to happen? Maybe it just happened in the monotony of life. Shouldn't a life with Christ be exciting? Joyful? But we have our won way of answering this dryness, this emptiness. We throw ourselves into doing what should bring us closer to God. What can I do to make God happy with me? Devotion times are lengthened. Prayers are moved to closets. If there is a need at church I am there to fill the missing space. And yet I am still void and I am exhausted. Or... I give up and rebel. It's so much easier. Let my sinful nature take over for a while. Just go on cruise control and enjoy myself for a while. That fills me. Fills me with filth and guilt. Fills me, but does not complete me. Now I am not just empty and yearning for something. Now I am broken and hurting. Two rather bleak options. Aren't you glad that God created a third option? It warms my soul knowing He provided a way.

Galatians 5:6

⁶For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

Wow!...How amazing!...Wow?...What does that look like? Faith expressing itself through love?

Luke 7:36-50

³⁶Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. ³⁷When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, ³⁸and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

³⁹When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner."

⁴⁰Jesus answered him, "Simon, I have something to tell you."
"Tell me, teacher," he said.

⁴¹"Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,^a]">[a] and the other fifty. ⁴²Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?"

⁴³Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled."
"You have judged correctly," Jesus said.

⁴⁴Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. ⁴⁵You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. ⁴⁶You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. ⁴⁷Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."

⁴⁸Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."

⁴⁹The other guests began to say among themselves, "Who is this who even forgives sins?"

⁵⁰Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

Here we have two very different people with the same problem. There is a Pharisee and a prostitute. One of them hedges themselves with rules and regulations. Man made rules that only push them farther from God. Unable to understand what it means to have faith...and therefore love. Then the other who would not put trust in God. Once again a lack of faith and so there is a miss guided and corrupt love. Yet the one of them has something the other does not. A repented heart and... faith. The result... "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

I try and live day to day
I try to live a life of change
But I can't seem to be
A holy child by Your design
A perfect life's so far from mine
Will I ever be free

You are one God
You give us one hope
Called us to be Your own
You are one Lord
You give us one faith
Apportioned to me Your grace

I struggle to show humbleness
I don't portray gentlness
I don't feel this bond of peace
Unable to bear patiently
Can't show the love given me
Yet you call me to be part of this unity

You are one God
You give us one hope
Called us to be Your own
You are one Lord
You give us one faith
Apportioned to me Your grace

You've called
To live worthy
Worthy of what I've received
So work over me
In and through me
The power of You in me

You are one God
You give us one hope
Called us to be Your own
You are one Lord
You give us one faith
Apportioned to me Your grace

So..... I haven't posted in a long time.

Deuteronomy 30:6

⁶ The LORD your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live.

This is a passage that I have been meditating and thinking a lot about. When I was younger I was always waiting and yearning for this magical time in my life where I would change. I thought eventually in my life I would reach this spiritual peak or as a friend put it a "spiritual plateau." A place where I am finally good enough or holy enough to not struggle with a wondering heart. That I would finally get down the basics of being a "good" christian. I don't think I will ever be there. We will constantly struggle with sin in our lives. I don't think I will ever be able to love God perfectly. Yet that is the beauty of it. I unable to even love God, yet He loves me. He loves me so perfectly, tenderly, and overwhelmingly. I am in awe of my Savior and His loving grace for me.

So much has happened...I don't even know were to begin. Maybe at the beginning.

I've been attending a Latino Church in Annapolis. I started going there to practice my Spanish and helping my friend do Children's Church. This church has given so much to me in the way of hospitality and Christian fellowship.
My friend has a love and passion for ministering to these people that is amazing to watch. She would love to someday start a Orphanage in El Salvador. She and I have joked/dreamed of going together to start this orphanage. She would run the orphanage. I would be the nurse and cook meals for the hundreds of children that we care for.
A few weeks ago a man from a sister church of the Latino church in Annapolis came. He told my friend he had land in El Salvador and would like to give her land to build her orphanage. God is so amazing how He works His will.
Now we both need your prayers.
~Pray for my friend as she explores this. May God show her His path.
~Pray for her as she will need money and support to go.
~Pray that she has the support of her church.
~Pray that her ministry would be effective in El Salvador.
~Pray for me as I'm finishing school. May I finish strong so I can be a good nurse.
~Pray for me as I am searching out God's will. I would love to be a nurse in El Salvador, but God might have something bigger in mind for me. May He direct my path and make it clear.
~Pray for both of us as we make desicions. May we grow in our faith and lean all the more on our Savior.

Here I am with my once a month post....I really should try and post more.

Anyway, tomorrow my friend and I are going to sing a song for offertory. We're going to sing "Mighty to Save" by Laura Story. My mom received her CD for her birthday. Since it's now on the ipod she let me take it to my car to listen to. The lyrics have been really blessing me. I think my favorites are "Immortal, Invisible", "Grace", "Bless the Lord", and of course "Mighty to Save".

I've have been thinking about the Chronicles of Narnia Series by C.S. Lewis. Lewis gave us a beautiful thing with this Chronicles. One of the reasons I think I am so drawn to these stories is there are so many pictures of Christ and the Christian walk. There are so many lines that Aslan says that speak right to me as if Christ was speaking right to my heart. Lewis merely skims Christ's character, warning us that "He isn't a tame lion", yet he effectively shows some of the characteristics that capture and entrance us about Christ.

I have a private goal with my self to write a poem for each of the books in the chronicles. Here are two that I've written so far.

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

The end of it all
Better than imagined
The end of it all
The sad, sweet surprise
All new but the same
Feels like the beginning again
Glad to be at
The end of it all

The end of it all
A journey to recollect
The end of it all
A time to reflect
Of character changed
The friendships we've made
The beauty of
The end of it all

The end of it all
The bitter goodbye
The end of it all
Questioning why
Can we come again
Don't want this to end
Don't want it to end
We are here at
The end of it all

The Silver Chair

Can I remember
All that you have said
Can I remember
What I'm suppose to do and when
Can I fail
Will I fail
At all that you have planned
Will all my work
Matter in the end

Will I follow
All that you have said
How do I know
You plan is always the for the best
Will my fear
Will my dread
Hold me back
Will you supply for all that I lack

How do I know
That you are really real
Was it all a fantasy
Can I trust what I feel
I've sensed you
Have touched you
I have been blown away by your breath
If you aren't real
What do I have left

Today was Beccah's graduation. She is now no longer in High School. Our family couldn't be prouder of her. She has accomplished so much and worked so hard. She is do and will continue to do great things.

Now comes a point of transition. She will be going to Frostburg to pursue a degree Education. She wants to be an English teacher. I think that she will do well at this. She has always had a nack for inspiring people. So here are a few words of wisdom for my sister Beccah.

Dear Beccah,

Out of all the women in the Bible I the one you most remind me of is Ruth. She was a hard worker and fiercely devoted. You have those same qualities. What made Ruth so amazing is not that she had those qualities, but what she did with them. She served the Lord. She served others in the name of the Lord. She was not slowed down by others because she was different. She didn't hesitate to do the work God placed before her. Beccah, I encourage you to follow as whole heartedly after the Lord. Nothing you do will be quite as amazing until God is with you. As you go off to do great things, I urge to walk with the Lord and so serve Him. I love you. My sister and my friend.

"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me."

"28just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.""

Extravagant Worship

Here I am
Before You
I have come to worship You
Wiped away
My pride my shame
My pain my blame
Set aside to worship You

Majesty
Lord on high
I have come to worship You
My creator
Great Redeemer
Greatest Healer
I'm created to worship You

What can I give
What can I do
In my extravagant worship of You

I seem to be in a constant state of motion these days. I finished the Maternity section of my nursing classes and today I am about to begin Med-Surg. Josh and Kat are now married. Congratulation! And my sister Beccah caught the bouquet. ;-)

This past Sunday I heard a sermon comparing Mary of Bethany and Judas. The point of the sermon was that Mary wanted to worship Christ. She asked ,"What can I give?" Judas only wanted to know,"What can I get?" I find myself asking all to often," What can I get?" But shouldn't I as a Christian always be asking,"What can I give?"

2 Corinthians 6:2

2For he says,
"In the time of my favor I heard you,
and in the day of salvation I helped you."^[a] I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation.

Hallelujah

Listen to this: How to Say Hallelujah with Gusto for Beginners Fans of the Dirge

Psalm 117

1 Praise the LORD, all you nations;
extol him, all you peoples.

2 For great is his love toward us,
and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever.
Praise the LORD. ^[a]

Footnotes:

1. Psalm 117:2 Hebrew Hallelu Yah

I was recently reading an article about how an athiest views Christians. I believe the he offered two types of Christianity: a "spiritual police force" or a "spiritual banana republic." We are either beating others with accusations of their sin or have an "organized hypocrisy." Neither view is very favorable, and as this article would later on point out this atheist missed something about Christianity.

John Newton was a Captain of a slave ship. God worked on Newton's heart and Newton then went on to be one of the greatest hymn writers we know. I recently watched Amazing Grace and in the film Newton's time working in the slave trade weighs heavily upon him. Watching Newton reminded me of Psalm 32.

1 Blessed is he
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.

2 Blessed is the man
whose sin the LORD does not count against him
and in whose spirit is no deceit.

3 When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.

That is the kind of pain from sin that drove Newton to write these words.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

So it's crunch time. This week in school I have two tests and two projects due. This week I caught a bad cold and because I didn't stop I acquired laryngitis. Whenever I get laryngitis I require massive amounts of sleep, so not a whole lot of studying going on. To top it off I can't even talk which makes it hard to communicate. So I have been doing a lot of communicating with God.

It's a good thing that I have been communicating with God because frankly. I'm worried and stressed out. Usually I spaze out on someone at this point, but I've been to sick. I'm worried that I'll that I fail school. I'm worried that I'll disappoint people. That won't be able to live up to expectations. Yet in this I take comfort. In this I find shelter. Here is where I find hope.

Romans 8:35-39

35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."^[l] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

"The gospel is not a story of what you must do for God. The gospel is a story of what God has already done for you through Christ Jesus. " ~ Pastor David Wayne

Oh, what amazing grace is this that I can give not only my glory to the cross, but also my failure.

I have been struggling with a lot of things in my life lately. Something that someone said to me really made me think, "I am so tired of singing a new song every week."

Psalm 98:1a

1 Sing to the LORD a new song,
for he has done marvelous things;

Sometimes it is so hard to find a new song, especially when God puts a new trial in my life. I know that others in my life are also going through trials. Both new and old trials and like me they are having a hard time finding a song. So I take comfort in this verse.

Psalm 40:3

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

God is the one who gives us the songs in our lives. He is the one who enables us to praise Him. "It is not by our works, so that no man can boast."