I wanted to shrink until I could dissapear

I used to have an eating disorder. One of the things that convicted me to stop was a Stacie Orrico song, "Dear Friend". Another was I realised that I was not giving control to God. I was saying here God here is all my life except this part. You can fix and manage everything but this. And then I concentrated and put all my effort into the one part of my life that God didn't have.

Giving God complete and total control is very hard. Yet God has this verse.
Jeramiah 29:11
¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This is a poem I wrote during the healing prosses from that disorder.

I wanted to shrink until I could dissapear

Try’n to work around mealtime

Lose some weight that’s my design

What difference will it make

Try’n to hide it from my mom

Wish my worries with food were gone

Is this a bad road to take

Every thing inside was upside down

Thought chang’en the outside would calm everything down

Lie a bit there lose little weight here

I wanted to shrink until I could disappear

I got more worries now why

Friends are notic'en moms gonna cry

Is this hurting just me

Refuse to notice the trouble I make

My whole world seems full of hate

Will I ever truly be free

Liven this way is ly’en

Can’t you see inside your dy’en

Let me show you another way

Let me show you a better way

Jesus took my pain away

Now I’m walk'en with him each day

He’s shown me the road to take

Life holds no end of joy for me now

How did I miss this oh how

His love is truly great